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Chase
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Fri Feb 25, 2011 7:44 pm

captains log:
We just arrived in newly discovered 'Heretic' system. We started our mission in May 19th 2142, and arrived in January 8 2201. our Aquila-class cruiser suffered heavy damage over the past 28 systems as well as losing 33 of of 850 crew members(including the co-captain and a couple of leiutenants) which has really brought down morale. we were sent by the terra to assist a recon ship(a ronnin A-class) that may have been destroyed or captured by a hostile force known as the 'Iocrym.' The takion corporation also warned us about a large xenophobe sighting. Our search started 1750 hours.

"Captain, we have disabled the kaidun deflector, plasma arch cannon and any other unnesesary systems."
"excellent." you reply your learning fa....."
Before you could finish alarms shriek and orders start flying around with no order what so ever. the XO barges in and says "Captain, unidentified hostiles directely in front of us about 100 light seconds away, there are about 1000 of the F****ers and we are heading straight into the heart!"

"WHAT?! give me that holo- chart!" suddenly your eyes fill with dread and shock, you drop the holo-chart and run towards the centre window. You suddenly feel your heart drop and your adrenaline start to pump through your veins. Your instincts kick in and you start shouting shouting orders without even thinking about them " Enable everything now! I do not care if you obliterate that g*ddamned reactor! enable everything!" Rotate the ship by 180 degrees with thrusters on maxinum. enable all patch spiders, arms, alert all repair crews and order them to have those repair kits ready. And send out a distress signal on frequency 121.500."
the electro-magnetics operator(similar to a radio operator) replies" But sir, that will give away our position. we will be extremely vunerable to enemy attack!"
You reply" WE ARE IN A DESPERATE SITUATION, WE NEED REINFORCEMENTS YESTERDAY. SO STOP TALKING AND DO YOUR F***ING JOB!!!"
his face files with horror and he turns away.

You look towards your XO and give him the nod. His eyes fill with shock and his face goes pale white.
"B-but captain, y-you cant be serious. Its only an experimental weapon. We don't know what it will do, let alone if it works."
then an engineer storms into the bridge, his clothes are soaked in oil. His hands and face are badly burnt and the smell of burnt flesh files the surrounding air. He finally says" please help, the main thrusters have exploded, most of the engineers are dead, alot are wounded and in serious pain, please help." he then drops to the floor. You can see that he is dead. You run to the security room and see that all the guards are fixated on one screen. you push your way past the guards and what you see on that screen makes you sick to the bone.
You see great grey fires overwhelming the engine room. People covered in flames, running, screaming, becoming the servant of an uncontrollable, evil force of nature. You see an engineer running for the air lock desperate to escape, but the door is locked and the flames catch up to him. you watch him slowly burn to death. Then the camera goes dead.

You collapse to the floor and burst into tears. The XO takes over for you shouting at the crew to get fire procedures on line and to get all avalible medics to the engine room immediately.
You look up to the center window and you can see the masses of enemy ships swirling around a centeral ark like structure. you feel your pockets and discover two roms. Both of them unidentified. You are just able to get up and stumble towards the main computer and insert the first rom, but to your disapointment it says" visual display enhanced."
You insert the second rom and you hear it say" discuising ship as a friendly to most enemies."
to your relief,but then you rember the fire and ask your XO on the status. He replies" the fire is now under control, but i think you might have to see this with your own eyes captain."
You are led down the passage and down the elevator into the area where the fire took place. and opened the airlock the smell that came out was enough to make you gasp for air. However, what you saw inside immediately made you forget about the smell and was replaced by shock. Bodies, what seemed like hundreds of black, burnt bodies, you saw the same pictures of the holocaust in high school and that shocked you then. Except this is real. You see medics attending to screaming victims, their faces melted beyond recognition. You again collapse to your Knees in shock, no one says a word but you know what they are thinking. Oh my God, how the hell did this happen, why? You look up at the camera and see that it is completely melted. the XO says" that camera was made of iltalium. and the fire melted it, how these people survived i dont know. pure luck maybe."

You suddenly feel your self collapse with the distant thud of your head hitting the floor. Your eyes close and you fall unconcious.

You wake up in eridani to see your wife and daughter and a couple of crew members standing around you. you feel at home. You fall back asleep and can hear your subconcious say "F*** you domina, no way in hell am i doing that EVER again." You feel a content smile brew on your face.
Faaz los frul, moro los mafaeraak. Chicks osgor skein. c:

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Chase
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Fri Feb 25, 2011 8:15 pm

Sorry, i forgot to include the search and the final battle. Do you like it anyway?
Faaz los frul, moro los mafaeraak. Chicks osgor skein. c:

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ThePrivateer
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Fri Feb 25, 2011 11:33 pm

Not bad. A better title could have helped though, and some spelling-check, but other than that it seemed quite good. Maybe you can do a series of battle-report style stories, that focus on hotspots throughout the galaxy from the perspective of captains/pilots - even the enemies.

Good work. ;)

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sdw195
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Sat Feb 26, 2011 12:27 am

after reading you story i found a few minor issues with your timing and background
Chase wrote:You wake up in eridani to see your wife and daughter and a couple of crew members standing around you. you feel at home.
I am yet to find a place in Transcendence where it says that the people in eridani are your "wife and daughter"

even george hasn't said yes/no on the matter
http://www.neurohack.com/transcendence/ ... n&start=15
george moromisato wrote: The game text never says that the player has left his/her spouse and child behind.

The only thing that is clear (and in my opinion, important to the plot) is that the player left someone behind. Perhaps it was the player's child. Maybe it was a younger sister. Maybe it was a niece.
taking into account the info george has given us here
http://neurohack.com/transcendence/expl ... eline.html

the Commonwealth founded the Starton Eridani colony in 2176 which is 34 years after you left for the newly UNdiscovered 'Heretic' system and 25 years before you arrived back in Eridani
and
it was the 24th Century (2300) before the Iocrym went to stk, So....
hostile force known as the 'Iocrym.'
they wouldn't have a clue what there were called

this isn't meant to scare you off in any way, i just suggest you read up on your transcendence history for the next story ;)
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"Dash_Merc - George is a genius, in that he created this game engine that is infinitely extendable"
"<@sheepluva>Good night everybody, may the source be with you." <-- FOSG dev
"You only need THREE tools in life - WD-40 to make things go, Duct Tape to make things stop And C-4 to make things go away"

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Chase
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Sat Feb 26, 2011 2:16 am

Thanks the privateer. I will be sure to double check.
Faaz los frul, moro los mafaeraak. Chicks osgor skein. c:

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Chase
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Sat Feb 26, 2011 2:26 am

Thanks sdw195 i guess i didnt check my facts properly on the locrym. As for the wife and daughter, that was off the top of my head. I was going to add them in earlier before the xenophobes. But i decided not to.

I put them in there for a reference for future stories as well.
Faaz los frul, moro los mafaeraak. Chicks osgor skein. c:

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